It has almost been 3 years since I last saw or even spoke with Ben and, on days like today, that reality is made a little harder to manage. I often find myself questioning the “bigger picture” and hoping that some kind of universal justice will eventuate, only to realise that this seems less and less likely as each day passes. I often wonder when, and if, Ben will ever discover the truth about his psychotic insecure mother and her mental illness, and how it has destroyed his relationships with, not only me, but my side of his family.
Sometimes I feel it might have been easier to have lost him to death, as that would be more definite, than holding onto the hope of one day seeing him again. I can only hope that he is doing better, and that his mother has stopped lying to him about me, now that she no longer has an audience. I hope in the near future he will have the desire and capacity to one day reach out to me, and make his own conclusions about me.
In the meantime, I will keep imagining that you are having a great birthday, Ben, and that you are enjoying and living your life to your maximum potential.